There are people who just don't deserve to be alive. Responding to spammers is stupid, but dragging thousands of other recipients into it makes it a capital offense. A recent email to the debian-security list supports my assertion:

Subject: Re: Sell Your Organs Online!
From: "kwd" <kwdowse@mts.net>
Date: Thu, 23 Feb 2006 17:57:20 -0700 (Fri 10:57 EST)
To: <jkeon@rcn.com>
Cc: <debian-security@lists.debian.org>

so what's this all about? get back to me with a list of what's worth what.

"Brain: $0.1 (as yours is too small)
Fat and skin: $0.5/kg (let's make some soap, shall we?)
Eyes: $10/pair (please gouge them out with a clean teaspoon only and pack them in dry ice straight away before couriering them over.)"

[ published on Fri 24.02.2006 10:57 | filed in interests/humour | ]
NonSequitur-2006.02.18

(from the NonSequitur archive which offers only the last month)

[ published on Mon 20.02.2006 11:45 | filed in interests/humour | ]

I'm in a bad mood, therefore I think I'll make the non-accessible logo image you like so much into a redirect to a big tubgirl image, it'll make your site look much better. (Now my friends know what kind of mood I'm in.)

You may find it TMI that bloody Google spits out tubgirls galore without even disabling the evil "SafeSearch" crap.

...10 minutes later...

Done. Enjoy! <sfx: evil laugh>

Update (Mon 19.12.2005 23:10):

Looks like she didn't like the 1278x956 tubgirl image, but I really can't understand why... Now she has even put an email address on her website, so the Big Hammer treatment must have helped a bit. 10 brownie points for me! (I really do enjoy being evil, sometimes.)

[ published on Sun 18.12.2005 00:06 | filed in interests/humour | ]

The occasional spam titled thus always cracks me up so badly. (Sometimes I'm easily amused.) A replica of what? (And what woman, anyway?)

But the content...my, these spammers apparently believe in Truth In Advertising more than normal marketing assholes! (how that works out when selling fake Rolexes I don't know, but extrapolating from election results I infer that there are gazillions of sufficiently stupid fools)

The spam goes on like this:

Get the Finest Rolex Watch Replica

...in a combo with the "Yes, I'm that stupid!" T-shirt.

"We only sell premium watches. There's no battery in these replicas just like the real ones since they charge themselves as you move. The second hand moves JUST like the real ones, too. These original watches sell in stores for thousands of dollars. We sell them for much less."

Amazing! A watch with a second hand that ACTUALLY MOVES!

"- Replicated to the Smallest Detail
- 98% Perfectly Accurate Markings
- Signature Green Sticker w/ Serial Number on Watch Back
- Magnified Quickset Date
- Includes all Proper Markings"

I love the part about the 98% and the Signature Green Sticker...suppose without that it wouldn't be a Genuine Fake Rolex Replica Premium Watch my nonexistent woman should drool over.

[ published on Wed 23.11.2005 20:43 | filed in interests/humour | ]

If you read this in a debian package announcement, would you think of work-safe occupations or guba-style activity?

sextractor -- Source extractor for astronomical images.

Thought so. The author is proudly getting his rocks off with those super asstronomical pictures.

[ published on Wed 26.10.2005 19:23 | filed in interests/humour | ]

Hehe. Two of this year's IgNobel prizes have been awarded to Australian academics: one team got the biology prize for figuring out that stressed frogs stink differently from normal frogs. (But hey, they also found an pigeon-be-gone smell that seems to work.)

What I found way more fun, was what the ABC news nicely headed "Watching paint dry": two guys from UQ in Brisbane devoted their entire life to an experiment as exciting as, drum roll, watching pitch drops drop. Which. doesn't. happen. very. often. The experiment started in 1927, and one of the fellows already died - of boredom, I assume. The IgNobel fellows thought this commitment worth the physics prize.

[ published on Sat 08.10.2005 21:52 | filed in interests/humour | ]

Some MS weenie tries to recruit Eric Raymond. Much hilarity ensues, including his response (where this entrie's title comes from).

[ published on Wed 14.09.2005 13:18 | filed in interests/humour | ]

The "Australian International University" is a brilliant spoof by some pissed-off Oz academic. (Not me!) He made it into a variety of papers already (owing to newspeople without brains, humour and/or the necessary academic cynicism).

Some pearls to follow:

"The Australian International University website is produced by an organisation called Academic Jihad. Academic Jihad has sleeper cells spread throughout the Australian university system and is poised to unleash a merciless firestorm of pedagogy on unsuspecting students, both local and international."

"Here at the Australian International University we have rationalised the normal system of different university faculties into a single faculty. We realised that most of the other faculties were not generating sufficient income and were having a negative effect on the overall marketing plan of the university. As a result, the Australian International University only has one faculty - the Faculty of Business."

Cynical, me? No way!

Source: the ever-brilliant samizdata blog

[ published on Wed 10.08.2005 22:33 | filed in interests/humour | ]

Kiwis are cool, and this kiwi and his kids are no exception. The embedded content sucks, however, so here's a link to the actual movie.

Evolve On!

[ published on Wed 20.07.2005 13:22 | filed in interests/humour | ]

(Not a surprise for anybody with a shred of common sense; but this instance at least is funny.)

On Friday, Ms Robertson sent a letter to the Aquarium of the Pacific in Long Beach, near Los Angeles, asking directors to take fish off the cafeteria lunch menu, adding: "Serving fish at an aquarium is like serving poodle burgers at a dog show."

Now what's wrong with that? I guess if poodles tasted any good...

I hope the members of this "Fish Empathy Project for People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals" (Judean People's Front, anyone?) show their empathy with the fish by not breathing any more air. Soon, please.

Link to the news article

[ published on Wed 29.06.2005 16:26 | filed in interests/humour | ]


click here for the rest of the story...

[ published on Mon 27.06.2005 22:54 | filed in interests/humour | ]
badtable

This is "Bad Table", a piece of real-world furniture made and sold by a Vancouver Company (fittingly called "Straight Line Designs"). (To the designers of their flash eye cancer webshite: here's a nickle, kids, get yourself a real editor and a copy of the relevant RFCs.)

If only I had the money for such practical jokes...dream

[ published on Thu 02.06.2005 22:38 | filed in interests/humour | ]
Subject: Re: a sad host
From: Brian Kantor
Date: Wed, 11 May 2005 05:28:34 +0000 (UTC)
Newsgroups: alt.sysadmin.recovery

Garrett Wollman ... wrote:
>Yeah, it is kind of sad when machines have to be rebooted weekly.
> 4:15PM  up 409 days, 22:02, 1 user, load averages: 12.34, 9.87, 8.01
>-GAWollman

Or yearly, even:

>Last login: Wed Apr 20 15:56:09 2005 from karoshi.ucsd.edu
>10:26PM  up 1453 days, 18:20, 3 users, load averages: 0.35, 0.17, 0.15
>-----------------------------------------------------------------------
>[brian] 1 : 

hehe

[ published on Thu 12.05.2005 20:58 | filed in interests/humour | ]

MS UK, transatlantic offspring of the Evil Empire is sponsoring a short film competition, titled "Thought Thieves".

"The theme of your film should be about how intellectual property theft affects both individuals and society."

The entry form clearly shows its origins:

"...Should I be selected as a finalist in this competition, I confirm the following: 7. I will formally license on terms acceptable to Microsoft, all intellectual property rights in my film and agree to waive all moral rights in relation to my film if requested to do so..."

Pot. Kettle. Black. Assholes.

Link to the boingboing article

[ published on Thu 12.05.2005 14:26 | filed in interests/humour | ]

VI "Improved"

[ published on Wed 27.04.2005 18:56 | filed in interests/humour | ]
"It's made out of poo, but also it's so Aussie."

say Joanna Gair of Creative Paper Tasmania who is the manufacturer of a paper made from roo dung. Which seems to be a solid seller despite looking like, well, shite. King Midas would be impressed.
Link to the ABC's story

[ published on Fri 22.04.2005 22:23 | filed in interests/humour | ]

Google Maps helps us to identify the greatest liar.
click here for the rest of the story...

[ published on Sat 19.02.2005 22:48 | filed in interests/humour | ]

sagt die Bayreuther Polizei. Gut so, das wär ja noch schöner! Meine Hochachtung für den Scheiße-verzierer; viel stinkige Arbeit aber eine schöne Idee.
Link zu einem von vielen Artikeln

[ published on Sat 22.01.2005 22:50 | filed in interests/humour | ]

This is about as silly as the arguments the Content Cartel wants us to swallow.
Source: Cigarro & Cerveja

[ published on Sat 15.01.2005 20:42 | filed in interests/humour | ]

"A Sampling of Mathematical Folk Humor", published by the AMS. Contains pretty cool silly things like this:

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: Fermat: It did not fit on the margin on this side.

Link to the article (PDF) (via Monochrom)

[ published on Thu 13.01.2005 22:36 | filed in interests/humour | ]

How about this OZ gem? An Analysis of the Forces Required to Drag Sheep over Various Surfaces. That one won one of the Ignobel Prices last year.

The engineering winner, and IMHO highlight this year, is US patent 4,022,227: the comb-over baldy man hairstyle. greed and stupidity, a mind-boggling combination.

[ published on Wed 01.12.2004 20:22 | filed in interests/humour | ]
"Being a maintenance programmer is such a privileged joy and honor. I get to spend anywhere from eight to twelve, sometimes as many as sixteen straight hours a day locked in an eight by eight cube grinding my ass out writing code that you freaks don't appreciate."

What a beautiful rant, make sure to read this while it's still there.
Link to the rant

[ published on Mon 27.09.2004 12:06 | filed in interests/humour | ]

I like the Go Faster Wheels in particular.

puta
Update (Mon 27.09.2004 12:04):

This thing is a photoshopped fake, by the way.

[ published on Sat 25.09.2004 00:24 | filed in interests/humour | ]

This spam just came in via Tiscali UK. Apparently the spammers have discovered the magics of Babelfish. But true to form they botched it: the babblefish mangles (apparently) reasonable English into hilarious stuff quite totally unlike German...
click here for the rest of the story...

[ published on Sat 25.09.2004 00:06 | filed in interests/humour | ]

The shrub:

"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we."

Kerry:

"We will double our special forces to conduct terrorist operations!"

I'd say they're both crooks.

Link to the press release (fourth paragraph from the bottom).

[ published on Sun 08.08.2004 23:47 | filed in interests/humour | ]

...meint zumindest die deutsche Rechtsprechung. Ich bin sicher die Österreichische variante ist genauso hirnrissig und verkneif mir das 'saupreussen, gsöchte!'...

"Der Wertsack ist ein Beutel, der auf Grund seiner besonderen Verwendung im Postbeförderungsdienst nicht Wertbeutel, sondern Wertsack genannt wird, weil sein Inhalt aus mehreren Wertbeuteln besteht, die in dem Wertsack nicht verbeutelt, sondern versackt werden."


Link zu mehr Details

[ published on Mon 21.06.2004 13:32 | filed in interests/humour | ]
"Five days after arguing that the Eolas browser plug-in patent should be invalidated as obvious, Microsoft pocketed a patent of its own for 'Computer programming language pronouns', which covers the use of ellipses, blanks, and ditto marks as substitutes for names in a computer programming language. Perhaps the USPTO was won over by the patent's eloquent conclusion: 'Eliminating names is a substantial benefit as programmers dislike creating names.'"


Link to this glorious patent

[ published on Mon 21.06.2004 13:27 | filed in interests/humour | ]

The answer is SEVEN:

  • One to deny that a lightbulb needs to be replaced.

  • One to attack and question the patriotism of anyone who asks questions about the lightbulb.

  • One to blame the previous administration for the need of a new lightbulb.

  • One to arrange the invasion of a country rumored to have a secret stockpile of lightbulbs.

  • One to get together with Vice President Cheney and award a one million dollar no-bid contract to Halliburton Industries for supplying a lightbulb.

  • One to arrange a photo-op session showing Dubya changing the lightbulb while dressed in a flight suit and wrapped in an American flag.

  • And finally one to explain to Dubya the difference between screwing a lightbulb and screwing the country.


Source: monochrom bagasch

[ published on Mon 31.05.2004 21:43 | filed in interests/humour | ]

The rest is german, cause that's the langugage this message pretends to use.
click here for the rest of the story...

[ published on Thu 29.04.2004 23:55 | filed in interests/humour | ]

Austria's minister of the interior is a dimwit (and should stay in the interior where he's less embarrassing): while visiting Iceland he said in a press conference that Reykjavik has 400 surveillance cams which could be monitored live on TV. His source: a TV documentary. However, all he had seen was a Icelandic fiction film named "Citizen Cam".

(The story made it on page 2 of Iceland's largest newspaper - but they mixed up their pictures of the minister...by chance?)

[ published on Sun 21.03.2004 18:08 | filed in interests/humour | ]

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