Taunt not the sysadmin, for he can become you and make your life interesting.
%
"An NT server can be run by an idiot, and usually is." -- Tom Holub, a.h.b-o-i
%
"We aim to please. You aim too, please." -- above urinal 
%
answering machine: "you've reached an imaginary number.
please rotate your phone 90 degrees and try again."
%
"The day Microsoft makes something that doesn't suck is probably the day they
start making vacuum cleaners" -- Ernst Jan Plugge
%
"How degrading -- to actually have to use a _voice-quality_ line for _speech_."
 -- Mike Andrews, a.s.r
%
Blessed are the PHBs-who-do-not-understand-hardware, for they can be
coerced into signing for upgrades to make life a bit more tolerable
%
It is not I who seek the young fool; The young fool seeks me.
At the first oracle I inform him. If he asks two or three times, it is
importunity. If he importunes, I give him no information. -- I Ching
%
Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.
%
Meddle not in the affairs of sysadmins, for they are subtle and quick to lart.
%
Q. what do you get whan you cross a tsetse with a mountain climber?
A. nothing, you can't cross a vector with a scalar.
%
Q. how many hackers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Huh?...What? Oh, it's dark in here?
%
Q. how many dyslexics does it take to bulb a light change?
A. eno.
%
Q. how many lightbulbs does it take to change a light bulb?
A. one, if it knows its own Goedel number.
%
Q. what do you call an elephant with a machine gun?
A. sir.
%
Q. why do you get when you cross an elephant and a grape?
A. sin(theta)     Note: assumes |elephant|==|grape|==1
%
How do I set my LaserPrinter to "Stun"?!
%
"Any sufficiently advanced political correctness is indistinguishable
from irony." -- Erik Naggum
%
This mind intentionally left blank.
%
Usenet: open mouth, insert foot, propagate internationally
%
Any suffiently advanced magic is indistinguishable from technology.
%
Relax. It's only zeroes and ones.
%
My name is sendmail.cf. You killed my process. Prepare to vi.
%
"There are only two industries that refer to their customers
as 'users'." -- Edward Tufte
%
"My manner of thinking, so you say, cannot be approved.
Do you suppose I care?" -- Marquis de Sade
%
"Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo." -- H. G. Wells
%
"The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new
discoveries, is not 'Eureka!' but 'That's funny ...'" -- Isaac Asimov
%
"The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time." -- Bertrand Russell
%
Documentation is the castor oil of programming. Managers know it must
be good because the programmers hate it so much.
%
Unix *is* user-friendly. It is not ignorant-friendly and idiot-friendly.
%
Any sufficiently fucked-up technology is indistinguishable from magic.
 -- ?, paraphrasing Arthur C. Clarke
%
Sysadmin (n): The untrained being underpaid for doing the impossible with
the obsolete.
%
Come to think of it, there are already a million monkeys on a million
typewriters, and Usenet is NOTHING like Shakespeare.
%
Any sufficiently advanced bug is indistinguishable from a feature.
%
You can believe anything you want. The universe is not obliged to keep
a straight face.
%
> What should I do ......the machine can't find the program iexplorer.exe...
Breathe a sigh of relief. -- Arthur Hagen in no.www
%
"Opinions are like assholes, I'll let you know when I want yours."
 -- David Cross and/or Bob Odenkirk
%
Duct tape is like the force.  It has a light side, and a dark side, and
it holds the universe together... -- Carl Zwanzig
%
cc:Mail is a wonderful application, as long as you don't want to
read or send mail. -- Jan van den Broek
%
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish. -- Euripides  
%
"VMS is a text-only adventure game. 
If you win you can use unix." -- w.davidson
%
"Unlike cockroaches, Windows NT is something you can't
possibly be unfair to." -- Peter da Silva
%
"It's a shame when god gives them such great butts and makes 'em think
with them too" -- phantasmobastard
%
"Bother," said Pooh, "Eeyore, ready two photon torpedoes and lock
phasers on the Heffalump, Piglet, meet me in transporter room three."
 -- Robert Billing
%
Hier arbeiten 200 000 000 Hertz, 1 Pinguin und 1 Esel
%
Usenet est omnis divisa in partes tres, quarum unam incolunt trolli, aliam 
useri regulari, tertiam, qui ipsorum lingua dei, nostra admini appellantur.
 -- Oliver Wellinghoff
%
"One Code to rule them all, one Code to bind them
In the land of Redmond where the Shadows lie." -- Joe Thompson
%
Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggy" until you can find a rock.
 -- Bjorn Sandberg
%
Do not meddle in the affairs of kitties, for they are subtle
and will piss in your keyboard. -- Peter H. Coffin
%
Remember, Murphy was an optimist. -- Peter van Hooft
%
A work is never completed except by some accident such as weariness,
satisfaction, the need to deliver, or death. -- Paul Valery
%
Microsoft Shoe: Where do you want to limp today? -- Ernst Jan Plugge
%
Windows95 is a 32-bit extension to a 16-bit shell of an 8-bit OS originally 
written for a 4-bit microprocessor by a 2-bit company that can't stand 
1-bit of competition.
%
There are two rules for success in life:
Rule 1:  Don't tell people everything you know.
%
Es ist nichts so absurd, daß Gläubige es nicht glaubten. 
Oder Beamte täten. -- Arno Schmidt
%
We're standing there pounding a dead parrot on the counter, and the mgt.
response is to frantically swap in new counters to see if that fixes the
problem. -- Peter Gutmann
%
We don't need no action items, We don't need no flow control!
Lusers, leave your BOFHs alone!
All in all, it's just another ticket in the queue.
%
Q. What kind of a dog says: "bofh! bofh!?"
A. A rootweiler.
%
Q. How do you solve bus problems?
A. Shoot the driver.
%
Heisenberg slept here, or somewhere else nearby.
%
The only truly safe "embedded system" is the system that has
an axe embedded in it... -- Tanuki
%
He who joyfully marches to music in rank and file has already earned my 
contempt. He has been given a large brain by mistake, since for him the 
spinal cord would fully suffice. -- Einstein
%
The type fpos_t is some type of Microsoft product. -- Rob Fagen
%
Yea, tho I walk thru the valley of the shadow of clues, I shall fear no
luser, for Thou lart with me, Thy chicken and Thy manual, they comfort me.
 -- Dave Aronson
%
A mathematician is a machine for converting coffee into theorems. 
 -- Paul Erdos
%
Pauli's exclusive, Heisenberg's uncertain and Schroedinger just waves 
 -- Caton Little
%
Imagine a stegosaurus wearing rocket powered roller skates, & you'll get a fair
idea of <app>'s elegance, stability & ease of crash recovery. -- Lionel Lauer
%
I've seen Sun monitors on fire off the side of the multimedia lab. I've seen
NTU lights glitter in the dark near the Mail Gate. All these things will be 
lost in time, like the root partition last week. Time to die... -- P. Gutmann
%
"One World, One Web, One Program" - Microsoft Promotional Ad
"Ein Volk, Ein Reich, Ein Führer" - Adolf Hitler
%
Catapultam habeo. Nisi pecuniam omnem mihi dabis, ad caput tuum saxum
immane mittam. -- <some unknown BOFH>
%
I am Dyslexia of Borg. Prepare to have your arse laminated.
%
You know you're a Unix guy when your dreams start with #!/bin/sh.
%
`bastard operators from hell' anagrams to `shatterproof armored balls'.
 -- Cliff Miller
%
The correct way to roll NT out is out the door and into the nearest
dumpster or other large waste receptacle. --  Mike Andrews
%
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, 
and I'm not sure about the former.  -- Albert Einstein
%
W2k: Why Y2k won't be remembered as the worst disaster in computing history
 -- Chris Adams about Windows 2000
%
bash: syntax error near unexpected token `=:)'
%
NT and security should not be used in the same sentence without negation
 -- Joe Zeff
%
We are Borg. AUP's are irrelevant. You will make money fast...
 -- Chris King about spammers
%
this wine is particularly heavy, and is mostly recommended for hand-to-hand
combat. -- Eric Idle
%
Hit any user to continue.
%
I feel like a genocidal maniac when emacs asks me if 
I want to kill 10789 characters.
%
cthread. cthread_fork(). Fork, thread, fork!
%
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot. C++ makes it harder, 
but when you do, it blows away your whole leg. -- B. Stroustrup
%
/* I can C clearly now */
%
Application has reported a "Not My Fault" in module KRNL.EXE 
in line 0200:103F
%
urbi et IP -- axelm in <mode=pope>
%
I just went visual on this goofy looking Finn riding on a gnu, wielding 
one pissed off penguin... gah -- Bob The Sane
%
A)bort, R)etry, I)nfluence with large hammer
%
A)bort, R)etry, P)ee in drive door
%
Backup not found: A)bort, R)etry, M)assive heart failure?
%
Adam and Eve virus: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.
%
Arnold Schwarzenegger virus : Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.
%
I bet the human brain is a kludge. - Marvin Minsky
%
If God had intended Man to program, we would be born with serial I/O ports.
%
Real programs don't eat cache.
%
Avoid temporary variables and strange women.
%
Base 8 is just like base 10, if you are missing two fingers. - Tom Lehrer
%
E Pluribus UNIX
%
Emacs is a nice operating system, but I prefer UNIX. - Tom Christiansen
%
Every program in development at MIT expands until it can read mail.
%
f u cn rd ths, u cn gt a gd jb n cmptr prgrmmng.
%
I came, I saw, I deleted all your files.
%
If I had it all to do over again, I'd spell creat with an "e". - Kernighan
%
My computer NEVER cras
%
LISP: To call a spade a thpade.
%
Never trust a computer you can't lift. - Stan Masor
%
Never trust a computer you can't throw out the window. - S. Hunt
%
Programming is an art form that fights back.
%
Systems programmers are the high priests of a low cult. - R. S. Barton
%
The attention span of a computer is only as long as its power cord.
%
The determined programmer can write a FORTRAN program in any language.
%
The steady state of disks is full. - Ken Thompson
%
grep..grep..grep.. (frog with UNIX stuck in it's throat)
%
AAAAAA - American Association Against Acronym Abuse Anonymous.
%
[Unix] is not necessarily evil, like OS/2. - Peter Norton
%
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proved it correct, not tried it.
 -- Donald Knuth
%
Justify my text? I'm sorry but it has no excuse.
%
The programmer's national anthem is 'AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH'. -- Weinberg, p.152
%
If debugging is the process of removing bugs, then programming must be the 
process of putting them in. -- Dykstra
%
MCSE: Microsoft Certified Shutdown Engineer -- Tomi Sarvela
%
"NT disk, meet Mr. Microwave." -- David Parsons 
%
The purpose of a windowing system is to put some amusing
fluff around your one almighty emacs window. -- Mark on gnu.emacs.help
%
Rex is to Regina as Vax is to... -- Vadim Vygonets
%
Ahhh...I see the fuck-up fairy has visited us again... -- Nigel Williams
%
Sysadmin Barbie! Complete with tiny pager, Leatherman, selection of LARTs,
and makeup kit for that haven't-slept-in-3-days look -- Heather Garvey (?)
%
Then I dream of a world where idiots are hunted like wild pigs. 
 -- Stephen Edwards
%
Everyone gives lip service to that 7 layer model but that fact is that the 
only thing that has ever been truly OSI 7 layer compliant is the  
Taco Bell 7 Layer Burrito. -- Kent "Dogman" Dahlgren
%
The weaknesses and the strengths of computer networking derive from the same
feature: it is easy to send messages to anyone who has access to the network.
  -- Donald A. Norman, The Trouble with Networks (Datamation 1/1982)
%
Competely pointless fact of the day:  One of my rats is called Solaris, due
to the fact it's fat and bloated.  The other is called Perl.  It's a nervous
insane little animal. 	-- Ashley Penney
%
I'm picturing Windows NT jamming a network backbone going 'la la la la I can't
hear you la la la la la' -- Graham Reed
%
NT is 'more secure' in so far as, if your average cracker screws around with 
it very much, a NT system tends to remove itself from the network rather 
promptly. -- ?, some CERT guy
%
Computers save time like kudzu prevents soil erosion.
%
Triple-Oh Seven: Licensed to LART. -- Anthony DeBoer
%
Never meddle in the affairs of NT. It is slow to boot
and quick to crash. -- Stephen Harris
%
Fsck, either way I'm screwed. -- petro
Now *that* is the Sysadmin's motto. -- Peter da Silva
%
You are trapped in a maze of screens and ssh sessions all alike.
It is dark, and you are likely to log off the wrong account. -- Nep
%
You are in a twisty maze of lusers all alike. -- Paul Martin 
While, on the surface, this appears to be true. In actual fact, when examined
closely, each and every luser is uniquely and serially stupid. -- Geoff Lane
%
If USENET is anarchy, IRC is a paranoid schizophrenic after 6 days on speed.
-- Chris "Saundo" Saunderson
%
In German "invent-a-new-word-where-a-perfectly-good-one-already-exists"
is probably a word. -- Peter da Silva
%
From empirical experience, your Exchange admin needs to put down the
crack pipe and open a window to disperse the fumes. -- Joe Thompson
%
We aim to please. Ourselves, mostly, but we do aim to please. -- A. DeBoer
%
Actually, we have scientifically determined that Heisenberg did indeed
sleep exactly here. However, we have no idea whatsoever just how fast
asleep he was. -- Dave Aronson
%
Starting your usenet experience with this group is like starting
your drug experiences with 500 mikes of acid with an
amphetamine chaser. -- Rebecca Ore about the monastery
%
"Lotus Notes for Dummies" is surely a single page pull out with
"don't" printed on it. -- Unknown
%
To rephrase, spam is not the answer. Spam is the question.
Death is not the answer, but pretty close to it. -- Vadik
%
When computers emit smoke, it means they've chosen a new Pope.
Unfortunately, they invariably choose the wrong one and immediately get
condemned to nonfunctionality for heresy. -- Anthony DeBoer
%
Cmdmt. XI: Thou shalt not inflict upon me thy useless prattlings, for
I thy God am a busy God. -- Joe Thompson
%
Luser is always a luser. You can't educate them. That's not what God
invented education for. That's what Simon invented LART for. -- Vadim
%
All programs evolve until they can send email. -- Richard Letts
Except Microsoft Exchange. -- Art
%
The Microsoft Torque Wrench: what do you want to shear today? 
-- Malcolm Ray
%
I hope that's not UI -- but the proper term is a "Jet database", accessed
through the "Jet engine". A fitting name, considering that it sucks and
blows. -- Felix about Exchange's mailbox format
%
I must admit that Micro$oft does seem to bear an awful resemblence to the
Sirius Cybernetic Corporation. Considering that my attempts at using Word
always resulted in something almost, but not quite, entirely unlike
a document. -- Rich Kaszeta
%
On two occasions I have been asked [by members of Parliament], 'Pray, Mr.
Babbage, if you put into the machine wrong figures, will the right answers
come out?' I am not able rightly to apprehend the kind of confusion of ideas
that could provoke such a question. -- Charles Babbage
%
Surely the 4 sysadmins of the apocalypse should be: 
edquota, rm -rf, kill -9, and shutdown. -- Rob Blake
%
He's wandering the wilds of West Buttfsck, administering a little personal
attention to Jenny L. User [family motto: "My ISBN isn't working"].
-- K.T. Wiegman
%
Anyway the :// part is an 'emoticon' representing a man with a strip
of sticky tape across his mouth. -- R. Douglas
%
An Emacs reference mug is what I want. It would hold ten gallons
of coffee. -- Steve VanDevender
%
It used to be said [...] that AIX looks like one space alien discovered
Unix, and described it to another different space alien who then implemented
AIX. But their universal translators were broken and they'd had to gesture
a lot. -- Paul Tomblin
%
"Quoted-Printable: a standard for mangling Internet messages
Quoted-Unreadable: the result of applying said standard
Unquoted-Unprintable: the comments from the recipients of the above" -- bf8
%
To sysadmin or not to sysadmin... that is the question, whether tis nobler
in the minde to suffer the slings and arrowes of outragious fortune, or
climb to the top of the building with a fucking high-power rifle and scope. 
-- Greg "Twotone" Spiegelberg
%
When you understand UNIX, you will understand the world.
When you understand NT....you will understand NT -- R. Thieme
%
Q. What's the difference between Batman and Bill Gates?
A. When Batman fought the Penguin, he won.
%
The Rime Of The Ancient Sysadmin:
Lusers, lusers, everywhere - And all the disks did shrink
Lusers, lusers everywhere - Nor any one could think. -- J.D. Baldwin
%
"When the revolution comes, we'll need a longer wall." -- Tom De Mulder
%
"Be pedantic in what you accept,
and arbitrarily brutal in what you send" -- Malcolm Ray
%
I'm not a luser laser, I'm a luser laser's mate, and I'm only lasing
lusers 'cause the luser laser's late.. or something.. -- Gid Holyoake
%
When I do it, it's development.  When you do it, it's coding. 
When he does it, it's mindless hacking." -- Paul Tomblin
%
An ASCII character walks into a bar and orders a double.  "Having a
bad day?" asks the barman.  "Yeah, I have a parity error," replies the
ASCII character.  The barman says, "Yeah, I thought you looked a bit
off." -- Skud
%
PHB: "According to M$ Project, your utilization level is 1850%."
CS: "You mean I have a load average of 18.5?"  -- Charlie Stross
%
If addiction is judged by how long a dumb animal will sit pressing a lever
to get a "fix" of something, to its own detriment, then I would conclude
that netnews is far more addictive than cocaine. -- Rob Stampfli
%
There's all kinds of things that can be done to improve FTP but the
single best would be to shoot it and shovel dirt over it." -- M. J. Ranum
%
Give a man a fire and he's warm for a day, set a man on fire and he's
warm for the rest of his life. -- the fish analogy, according to Simon Cozens
%
"The PROPER way to handle HTML postings is to cancel the article, then hire a
hitman to kill the poster, his wife and kids, and fuck his dog and smash his
computer into little bits. Anything more is just extremism." -- Paul Tomblin
%
Things should be as simple as possible, but not simpler. -- Albert Einstein
%
"Network yo kakumei suru tame ni" means your ass is mine, motherfucker.
 -- Wednesday
%
Ich kenne auch ein Klo, wo "Austria Email" draufsteht. Das ist
wahrscheinlich eine Art Rohrpost. -- Robert Bihlmeyer in at.sonstiges
%
"I consider sendmail.cf to be an uneditable binary file and you should
too." -- Eric Allman
%
"Behold the warranty ... the bold print giveth and the fine
print taketh away." -- fortune file
%
"Oh, Bother," said the Borg.  "We've assimilated Pooh." 
%
Reporter (to Mahatma Gandhi): Mr Gandhi, what do you think of Western
Civilization? Gandhi: I think it would be a good idea.
%
"Hey, who needs networking when you can leverage your web-appliance's
horizontally integrated meta-synergies to create diverse B2B e-hub
relationship revenue models dot com." -- John Ineson
%
ignorami: n: The BOFH art of folding problem lusers
into representational shapes.
%
"If the Buddha sends you a TCP packet, winnuke him."  -- Alan J Rosenthal
%
IBM: It may be slow, but it's hard to use. -- Simon Cozens
%
*Nobody* expects the Spanish haiku.  Our weapons are fear, uncertainty,
and doubt -- five syllables.  And a fanatical devotion to Bill Gates.
Seven syllables.  No, not Bill Gates.  Five syllables. -- Alan J Rosenthal
%
Remember the signs in restaurants "We reserve the right to refuse 
service to anyone"? The spammers twist it around to say "we reserve 
the right to serve refuse to anyone." -- SPAMJAMR & Blackthorn in nanae
%
Wir packen jetzt alle die Nuklearsprengköpfe, die uns die Mizzi-Tant
letzte Weihnachten geschenkt hat, aus und lassen im Usenet so richtig
die Schwammerln aufsteigen.  -- Albert Köllner erklärt at.usenet
%
void russian_roulette(void) { char *target; strcpy(target, "bullet"); }
 -- Simon Cozens or Thorfinn
%
"Space Aliens ate my UNIX compatibility!" -- cm about AIX
%
See, what they didn't tell you in Terminator 2 is that Sky-Net was
originally designed to handle helpdesk calls. No wonder it went nuts
and tried to kill us all. -- Ed R. Zahurak
%
"I'm not sure if this is a good or a bad thing. Probably a bad thing;
most things are bad things." -- Nile Evil Bastard
%
MSTD, n: MicroSoft Transmitted Disease. Propagates only due to Microsoft's
insistence on distributing [software] that resembles Petri dishes.
-- www.everything2.com
%
"The Unix phenomenon is scary.  It doesn't go away."  -- Steve Ballmer
%
Fachbegriffe der Informatik, Zertifiziernung: Ein Geschäftsmodell, das heisse
Luft zu Papier verdichtet und dann gegen Währung tauscht. -- Jörg Dorchain
%
Fachbegriffe der Informatik, Synergieeffekt: Reibungsverluste. -- Uwe Ohse
%
Fachbegriffe der Informatik, GNU: GNU is Not Useful, ohne Windows 
oder Linux darunter. -- Uwe Ohse
%
Fachbegriffe der Informatik, Admin: Die wo machen, daß das Internet geht,
aber die man nicht fragen darf, wenn es um ein klemmendes Word geht, da
sonst das Internet an meinem Rechner wieder nicht geht, weil die dann
stinkewütend werden. -- Bernd Jürgens
%
Fachbegriffe der Informatik, Updateitis: Softwarebulemie -- Frank Klemm
%
Fachbegriffe der Informatik, Deprecated: 
Funktioniert auch auf alten Systemen -- Ulrich Schwarz
%
Fachbegriffe der Informatik, Firewall: Firewalls schützen vor Viren, 
Trojanern, Kettenbriefen und Taubenscheiße auf dem Autodach. -- Martin Schmitt
%
Fachbegriffe der Informatik, SUN recommended patches: Mit den Patches ist
es wie mit dem Bier nach einer durchzechten Nacht. Einer wird wohl
schlecht gewesen sein. -- Meldung der Uni Jena
%
Fachbegriffe der Informatik, SMD: Schwer Montierbare Dinger  -- Holger Köpke
%
Fachbegriffe der Informatik, Gigabit-Ethernet-PC-Karte: Warum wollen Sie
einen mannshohen Abwasserkanal für Ihr Privathaus? So schnell können Sie
gar nicht kacken! -- Hans Bonfigt
%
Fachbegriffe der Informatik, Strong international Encryption: 
Triple-ROT13 -- Carsten Lechte
%
Fachbegriffe der Informatik, Gesundbooten: Das Allheilmittel für jegliche
Probleme, die auf, mit und um Windows auftauchen. -- Holger Marzen
%
Fachbegriffe der Informatik, Usenet: Diktatur von Newsserverbetreibern,
die größtenteils auf das nörgelnde Volk hört (so es sich denn einig ist).
 -- Cornell Binder
%
Fachbegriffe der Informatik, Googlehupf: Abstand zwischen zwei Suchergebnissen
%
Fachbegriffe der Informatik, Shockwave Flash: Augenkrebs -- FvL
%
Fachbegriffe der Informatik, Softwarewartung: Flags putzen, Strukturen 
nachrichten und Variablen mit Öl auffüllen -- Hans Bonfigt
%
Fachbegriffe der Informatik, Usenet: Usenet ist die schnellste Art, 
sich global zum Deppen zu machen. -- Lutz Donnerhacke
%
Fachbegriffe der Informatik, HTTP:
Hot Tits Transport Pr0nocol. -- Ulrich Schwarz
%
Fachbegriffe der Informatik, 99.9%: Lüge. -- Uwe Ohse
%
A train station is where trains stop. A bus station is where busses stop.
A Work Station is where...
%
perl -le '$b=1; print $a+=$b while print $b+=$a'
%
"I still think -vomit-frame-pointer needs to be a legal argument to gcc."
 -- Anthony de Boer
%
Godwin: vmunix.asp -- Peter Gutmann
%
"Militant *BSD users are frequently in favour of gnu control." -- Nix
%
We are MAPS dot Borg. Prepare to have you antispam work assimilated.
%
"You know you're too anal when you're planning on colour-coding your
bondage ropes by length... using the resistor code."  -- Graham Reed
%
Niklaus Wirth has lamented that, whereas Europeans pronounce his name
correctly, Americans invariably mangle it into "Nick-les Worth". Which is
to say that Europeans call him by name, but Americans call him by value.
%
"99% der österreicher sind deppen." -- adi pinter
%
Das liegt daran, dass Webdesigner zur Sicherheit ein Verhältnis haben wie
Klaus Störtebeker zum Handelsrecht. -- Burkhard Schröder   
%
"AOL would be a giant diesel-smoking bus with hundreds of ebola victims on
board throwing dead wombats and rotten cabbage at the other cars"
 -- a.s.r throws the Information Superhighway metaphor into reverse.
%
"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary
safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." -- Benjamin Franklin
%
Kind of like my 404K fund, "wealth not found." -- shrox
%
"I can't see any data coming out of this Tolkien Ring card."
"Well of course not, it confers invisibility." -- Anthony de Boer
%
"Rejecting all mail that has a MAIL FROM:<> reduces the amount of spam
you get.  So does rejecting all email that contains the letter "e"."
 -- Jacob W. Haller
%
"...an ancient Honeywell mainframe named Linda Lovelace. Explained its
operator, 'She doesn't care where, when, or on whom she goes down.'"
 -- Lee Ann Goldstein
%
"Of course using a Mac is like cunnilingus; there is only one button and
you need to fiddle it a lot." -- Par Leijonhufvud
%
The moving cursor writes, and having written, blinks on.  -- BSD fortune file
%
You possess a mind not merely twisted, but actually sprained.
 -- BSD fortune file
%
"The Computer made me do it." -- BSD fortune file
%
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard. -- BSD fortune
Nah, the problem is that it doesn't have enough chlorine. -- Lionel in ASR
It also lacks an undertow for the weak ones. -- Joe Creighton in ASR
%
"I wish there was a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence.
There's a knob called `brightness', but it doesn't work." -- Gallagher
%
Our OS who art in CPU, UNIX be thy name.
Thy programs run, thy syscalls done, in kernel as it is in user!
 -- BSD fortune file
%
Penguin Trivia #46: Animals who are not penguins can only wish they were.
  -- Chicago Reader 10/15/82
%
"The first rule of magic is simple.  Don't waste your time waving your
hands and hoping when a rock or a club will do." -- McCloctnik the Lucid
%
To err is human, to moo bovine.  -- BSD fortune file
%
It's is not, it isn't ain't, and it's it's, not its, if you mean it is. If
you don't, it's its. Then too, it's hers. It isn't her's. It isn't our's
either. It's ours, and likewise yours and theirs. -- Oxford Uni Press
%
The problem with people whose minds are in the gutter is that they keep
blocking my periscope.  -- Peter Gutmann
%
C++ protects you against Murphy, not Machiavelli.  -- Damian Conway
%
"You are in a maze of twisted sysadmins, all different."
  -- Ben Aveling, in and about the scary.devil.monastery
%
I can see an opening for the Four Lusers Of The Apocalypse...
"I didn't change anything", "My e-mail doesn't work", "I can't print" and
"Is the network broken?".  -- Paul Mc Auley
%
"Now that I think of it, O'Reilly is to a system administrator as a shoulder
length latex glove is to a veterinarian." -- Peter da Silva
%
RedHat Adventure: "You're in a maze of twisted little packages, all dependent.
There's a threatening little Gnome in the room with you."
  -- Peter Dalgaard
%
"Tauntology: one of the BOFHish fine arts"  -- Rik Steenwinkel
%
"PEZ educates the children as well. Break the neck of something cute,
and you get something good to eat." -- Stig Sandbeck Mathisen
%
"It's 106 light-years to Chicago, we've got a full chamber of anti-matter,
a half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark, and we're wearing visors."
"Hotsync." -- Paul Tomblin & Peter da Silva
%
"Usenet is like a herd of performing elephants with diarrhea -- massive, dif-
ficult to redirect, awe-inspiring, entertaining, and a source of mindboggling
amounts of excrement when you least expect it." -- Gene Spafford (1992)
%
Sun is the Microsoft of UNIX vendors: wildly successful despite the
most anemic bloody products. -- Rev. Peter da Silva
%
"My place of work has certainly heard of karoshi. 
They think it's a good idea." -- Dave Brown
%
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt
ax.  It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
 -- Dijkstra
%
As in certain cults it is possible to kill a process if you know its true name.
 -- Ken Thompson and Dennis M. Ritchie
%
Behind every great computer sits a skinny little geek.
%
COBOL is for morons. -- Dijkstra
%
You're never alone with a news spool.
%
Apr  13 11:05:20 apollo13 fsck[3927]: root, we have a problem.
 -- Jeff Gostin
%
So what if I have a fertile brain?  Fertilizer happens. -- Larry Wall
%
Ah the joys of festival + Gutenburg project.  I can now have Moby Dick
read to me by Stephen Hawking. -- Halfjack
%
"Mary had a little key,/She kept it in escrow/And everything that Mary
sent/The Feds were sure to know." -- Sam Simpson
%
"She called her parakeet Onan because he always spilled his seed on the
floor." -- ?
%
"The biggest crime of all that [Microsoft] commits is getting people
accustomed to huge, slow, unstable software as the norm." -- Jay Maynard
%
"This `telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a
means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us."
 -- Western Union internal memo, 1876.
%
...the freezer is full, and the body in the bathtub is starting to decompose.
 -- Tanuki on spammers
%
...wild Colostomy lurk dangerously in the trees, while out on the prairie,
large herds of chocolate brown Bulimia graze contentedly... -- Tanuki
%
:q :q! :wq :w :w! :wq! :quit :quit! :help help helpquit quit quithelp
 :quitplease :quitnow :leave :shit ^X^C ^C ^D ^Z ^Q QUITDAMMIT ^]:wq
%
> Hi, my name is Rebecca, and I'm a computing whore. -- Rebecca Gray
If I pay you twenty bucks, will you blow my EPROM? -- Joe
%
>> Cf. those boxes of serial that are only half full.
>Special offer on breakfast serial today!  Buy seven, get one free!
No added parity! With a *free* stop bit! -- Bram Smits, Malcolm Ray & Lionel
%
[...] followed by a late-night visitation from the Clue Police (with
their shoulder-length latex gloves and chilli-oil enemas...)
 -- Pete Morgan-Lucas
%
[Discordianism is] a shadowy, formless anarchoterrorist cult ...  a cancer
which has spread widely all over the Information Superhighway. ... its
tentacles reach everywhere. -- Concerned Citizens for a Safe Internet
%
Ah, young webmaster... java leads to shockwave.
Shockwave leads to realaudio.  And realaudio leads to suffering.
%
Aibohphobia: n. Fear of Palindromes
%
All that blue light from Orthanc at night? That was
Saruman, trying to moderate
 -- news.admin.palantir-abuse.sightings.
%
All that glitters has a high refractive index.
%
Any product designed to lure those who would not normally use it is guaranteed
to be a total wanker of a product.  -- Lamont Lucas
%
As a software development model, Anarchy does not scale well.
 -- Dave Welch
%
But these are not inherent flaws in [NT]. They are the result of deliberate
and well-thought-out efforts. -- M$ Spokesweenie
%
By 2000 we were supposed to have computers bright enough to argue
with us, but that doesn't mean the way Word does it. -- Jo Walton
%
Chastity:  The most unnatural of the sexual perversions.
 -- Aldous Huxley
%
Cray Chicken: Crosses faster than any other chicken, but if you don't dip
it in liquid nitrogen first, it arrives on the other side fully cooked.
%
Didn't bother to check the brand of disks -- with IDE, that's like attempting
to differenetiate between a Yugo and a Trabi. -- Brad Ackerman
%
Don't drop dead. Do, please, drop seriously, painfully, disablingly,
repulsively, incurably, but _not_ fatally ill. -- Mike Andrews
%
Freedom means being able to say 2+2=4. -- _1984_, George Orwell
%
Sun bug report (#4102680): "Workaround: don't pound on the mouse
like a wild monkey."
%
Hal, open the file Hal, open the damn file, Hal open the, please Hal
%
Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.  -- Groucho Marx
%
The Internet is totally out of control, impossible to map accurately, and
being used far beyond its original intentions. So far, so good.
 -- Dr. Dobb's Journal May 1993
%
The OSI seven-layer stack does not appear to have been invented by the
followers of Zen. A cornerstone of Zen is the focusing on reality and the
 avoidance of misleading conceptual abstractions.  -- Alex Gillespie
%
Yes, but they forgot to put in the essential checkbox:
I am not a brain-damaged lemur on crack. -- Mark Hughes
%
You should never anthropomorphize computers; they hate that. -- Skud
%
Top-posting is the computer equivalent of mailing a letter glued
to the *outside* of an envelope, with a stamp attached via paper clip.
 -- Xcott Craver
%
"Asking me to deal with NT is on a par with asking a heart surgeon to de-worm 
your dog." -- Lionel
%
"If you think you can have a nice network with ms-windows machines on it, you
haven't run tcpdump yet."  -- Alan Rosenthal
%
Like the autumn leaves
wu-FTPD updates; 
I seek warm safety.  -- Anthony de Boer
%
"SPARC" is "CRAPS" backwards -- Rob Pike
%
Kindermund: Wenn man kranke Kühe isst, kriegt man ISDN.
%
Kindermund: Ein Pfirsich ist wie ein Apfel mit Teppich drauf.
%
Kindermund: Die Fischstäbchen sind schon lange tot. Die können nicht mehr
schwimmen.
%
"The Two Phases Of University Employment: 
1.  Doesn't know enough to get a Real Job.
2.  Knows too much to want a Real Job." -- sharks
%
There are only 10 kinds of people in the world --
Those who understand binary, and those who don't."  -- ?
%
Tech Support: The guys who follow the 'Parade of New Products'
with a shovel. -- Jay Mottern
%
[Seedless consumer fruits] really have imaginary seed.  If you rotate a
seedless fruit 90°, you get a fruitless seed.  This can provide hours of fun.
 -- Erik Naggum
%
"Bush, Ashcroft, Rumsfeld: The Axis of Idiocy". (somewhere on IRC)
%
"Debian's glibc packages break binary compatibility every day of the
week because some people yank on CVS HEAD like bukkake guest stars." 
 -- Branden Robinson
%
RFC1925: "With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine. However, this is not
necessarily a good idea. It is hard to be sure where they are going to land,
and it could be dangerous sitting under them as they fly overhead." 
%
Debian: when you have better to care about than what CPU is in the box.
 -- Bill Allombert
%
"Sorry, we don't support the worship of gods on this list, we only
support the worship of penguins." 
"what about us agnustics?" -- Russell Coker and Graham Wilson
%
"So instead, I toil through fields of various OSes, planting applications,
spraying patches to catch the bugs, and watching the databases grow."  
 -- D. Joseph Creighton
%
(setq wq "This is emacs, not vi") -- Ingvar
%
"[Perl] isn't a programming language, it's a thousand special
case rules flying in close formation."  -- Peter da Silva
%
"BSD and UNIX are different operating systems <pause>
if you're a lawyer." -- Greg Lehey
%
I think that I shall never see -- A structure ugly as a tree.
From leaf to leaf I wish to leap -- From branch to root to branch I creep. 
-- Ode To Menu Systems, Richard A. Fowell
%
To clean and uninfected by the Empire remain, Emacs you use must. 
 -- Tollef Fog Heen
%
"There's nothing worse than major packetloss in one's underwear." 
 -- Jonathan Dursi
%
"Ein Blitzableiter auf einem Kirchturm ist das denkbar stärkste 
Mißtrauensvotum gegen den lieben Gott." -- Karl Kraus
%
"Multimegabyte core dumps rain down upon the NFS server
like giant rancid waterbuffalo." -- Steve VanDevender
%
"It's a pity that punched card equipment is now almost all gone. There's
nothing better for grabbing a tie and breaking the wearer's neck."  
 -- Mike Andrews 
%
Lisp has all the visual appeal of oatmeal with fingernail clippings
mixed in. -- Larry Wall
%
If Java had true garbage collection, most programs would delete 
themselves upon execution. -- Robert Sewell
%
C treats you like a consenting adult. Pascal treats you like a naughty 
child. Ada treats you like a criminal. -- Bruce Powel Douglass
%
"Java is, in many ways, C++--." -- Michael Feldman
%
Perl is like vise grips. You can do anything with it but it is 
the wrong tool for every job. -- Bruce Eckel
%
C++ is history repeated as tragedy. Java is history repeated as farce.
 -- Scott McKay
%
Arguing that Java is better than C++ is like arguing that grasshoppers
taste better than tree bark. -- Thant Tessman
%
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk. 
 -- Jan Steinman
%
Like the creators of sitcoms or junk food or package tours, 
Java's designers were consciously designing a product for people 
not as smart as them. -- Paul Graham
%
Q: What's the difference between George W. Bush and Hitler?
A: Hitler was elected.
%
"Pest Version5! Jetzt mit extra großen Beulen!" 
 -- Jürgen Nieveler über Notes R5
%
And God spoke: There shall be packets.
And there were packets, and these packets were good, mostly. -- G.S. Granados
%
"...the nam-shub of Ousterhout." -- Malcolm Ray about Tcl
%
"People who love sausages, respect the law, and work with IT standards 
shouldn't watch any of them being made." -- Peter Gutmann 
%
flailover systems: when one goes down, it flails about until the 
other goes down with it. --  Rodger Donaldson
%
superglue works better on cats than paste. it sets much faster which is
important when you are gluing a cat. -- John W. Krahn about 'cat-and-paste'
%
The terrorists have won. They have successfully convinced America to
attack itself. -- Steve Kirsch
%
<html><form><input type crash></form></html> -- IE has a bad day.
%
"The equivalent of treating dandruff by decapitation" 
-- Frank Zappa on the Parents Music Resource Center' censorship plans
%
"Der Pampers-Content ergänzt den AOL Women-Channel um 
spannende und nützliche Inhalte." -- aol.de pressemitteilung
%
Where a calculator on the ENIAC is equipped with 18,000 vacuum tubes and 
weighs 30 tons, computers in the future may have only 1,000 vacuum tubes 
and weigh only 1 1/2 tons. -- Popular Mechanics, March 1949
%
A successful sysadmin must accept no limits on his laziness.
 -- Peter da Silva
%
Consider the set of blacklists that do not blacklist themselves...
 -- David Richerby on blacklisting blacklists
%
"Die Majorität der Dummen ist unüberwindbar und für alle Zeiten
gesichert." -- Albert Einstein
%
"You are SUCH a useless use of a constant." -- flannelcat
%
"I am truly free only when all human beings, men and women,
are equally free." -- Mikhail Bakunin
%
"It's bad civic hygiene to build an infrastructure that can be used to 
facilitate a police state." -- Bruce Schneier
%
"Zeilen muessen scrollen fuer den Sig." -- Christian Pree
%
"Die Bandbreite steigt in Gasblasen aus der Sargassosee und wird von
dort in Ethernetkabel gefüllt."  -- Dirk Moebius
%
Minds are like paragliders. They work best when open.
%
In German, a young lady has no sex, while a turnip has. Think what 
overwrought reverence that shows for the turnip, and what callous 
disrespect for the girl. -- Mark Twain
%
Doing linear scans over an associative array is like trying to club
someone to death with a loaded Uzi. -- Larry Wall
%
<Reverend> IRC is just multiplayer notepad.
%
<Pornosaur> My mom gave me one of those plants you can't kill
<Pornosaur> I think it commited sucicide
%
<malaclypse> The general rule on about people on IRC seems to be 
"Attractive, single, mentally stable: choose two"
%
FREEDOM IS SLAVERY. USAGE IS DOGMA. ERASE IS BACKSPACE.
-- Peter da Silva
%
An editor is a tool for saving programmer-bukkake to disk.
 -- Anthony de Boer 
%
"Als ob man einem toten Schaf die Augen eindrückt"?
 -- Kristian Köhntopp über das Schreibgefühl von Atari Tastaturen 
%
"I've tried to convince many vegetarian friends that chicken are just
fast-moving vegetables." -- Simon Cozens
%
Give a fool a tool and he has a weapon.
%
Good, Fast, Cheap: Pick any two (you can't have all three). -- RFC 1925
%
Fachbegriffe der Informatik, Interaktives Fernsehen: Fernsteuerung mit 
Taste 'Bezahlen' statt 'Aus'. ('Standpay'-Taste)  -- nach Peter Berlich
%
Fachbegriffe der Informatik, Stabilität: 200 Studenten der 
Informatik-Anfängerübung auf einer Maschine nachdem die Vorlesung 
'fork()' behandelt hat.  -- David S. Miller
%
Fachbegriffe der Informatik, Hot plugable: 
 Glüht beim Einstecken auf -- Martin Neumann
%
Fachbegriffe der Informatik, CIDR: 
 Die dezimale Quersumme der binären Repräsentation der Netzmaske. -- Aldo
%
Fachbegriffe der Informatik, Telefon: Gerät, das die Person am anderen 
 Ende der Leitung bescheuert macht. (Funktioniert in beide Richtungen)
%
Fachbegriffe der Informatik, Debugging:
 Der Mythos vom deterministischen System. -- Lutz Donnerhacke
%
Fachbegriffe der Informatik, Strategische Software: 
 Es gibt keine Gründe für einen Einsatz, außer dem Willen 
 der Geschäftsleitung. -- Holger Marzen
%
Fachbegriffe der Informatik, E-Learning: 
 Feststellung, daß Strom weh tut. -- Oliver Schad
%
Fachbegriffe der Informatik, Putzfrau: Nicht absichtlich bösartig 
 handelnde Person ohne Entscheidungsgewalt -- Bodo Eggert
%
Fachbegriffe der Informatik, Urinstinkte:
 Mail ... News ... Dilbert -- Lars Marowsky-Bree
%
Fachbegriffe der Informatik, Push: 
 Das Notebook mit der flachen Hand vom Tisch schlagen.
 -- http://www-605.ibm.com/misc_includes/en_SG/drop_test.pdf
%
Fachbegriffe der Informatik, Pull: 
 Das Notebook ruckartig am Kabel vom Tisch ziehen. 
 -- http://www-605.ibm.com/misc_includes/en_SG/drop_test.pdf
%
Fachbegriffe der Informatik, aktives Medium:
 Die Existenz von Spam heißt, daß ein Medium noch lebt. -- Felix von Leitner
%
Fachbegriffe der Informatik, zukunftsfähiges Medium:
 Die Existenz von Pr0n heißt, daß ein Medium Zukunft hat. -- Felix von Leitner
%
Fachbegriffe der Informatik, HTTP:
 Hot Tits Transport Pr0nocol. -- Ulrich Schwarz
%
Fachbegriffe der Informatik, Debian Hardening:
 Rigor Mortis. -- Felix von Leitner
%
Fachbegriffe der Informatik, Halflife-Server:
 Server, der nur halb lebt. Kurz: IIS. -- Andreas Dau
%
Fachbegriffe der Informatik, Echtzeit:
 Selbst einfachste Operationen brauchen echt Zeit. -- Stefan Reuther
%
Fachbegriffe der Informatik,Forum:  Verschwörungstheorieaustauschplatz
für Leute ohne jedwede Ahnung. -- Andreas Beck
%
Fachbegriffe der Informatik, Recht:
 internet-freier Raum. -- Hartmut Pilch
%
Don't ReBoot, BeRoot. -- adb
%
"symlinks ... the goto of the file system world."  -- David Tilbrook
%
> hence the AIX boxen of increasing power [...]
That phrasing reminded me of "Rodents of Unusual Size".
 -- Mike and Greg Andrews
%
Was ist der Unterschied zwischen einem Politiker und einem Telefonhörer?
Einen Telefonhörer kann man aufhängen, wenn man sich verwählt hat.
 -- Dieter Nuhr
%
"[pause. too long pause] 
SIGINT SIGINT SIGINT FUCKFUCKFUCK" -- Nix is having a near-death experience
%
"for thing in $(fnord $(frob $(./gazonk foo bar baz bletch thud grunt))); do
zot --wodchuck ${thing}; done"
 -- Stig Sandbeck Mathisen making a point about the beauty of shell scripts
%
"If you want sympathy, look in the dictionary; it's between sex and
syphilis." -- Joe Zeff
%
REAL*8 RESPONSE(8)
DATA /RESPONSE/ 8HYOU EVER,8H DONE IT,8H IN FORT,8HRAN IV?$
 -- Peter da Silva about the joys of string handling
%
If you have any trouble sounding condescending, find a Unix user 
to show you how it's done. -- Scott Adams
%
Now that we have all this useful information, it would be nice to be able 
to do something with it. (Actually, it can be emotionally fulfilling just 
to get information. This is usually only true, however, if you have the 
social life of a kumquat.) -- UNIX Programmer's Manual
%
What would you rather have to plow a field - two strong oxen 
or 1,024 chickens? -- Seymour Cray
%
Saying that XP is the most stable MS OS is like saying that 
asparagus is the most articulate vegetable. -- Dave Barry
%
One of the main advantages of Unix over, say, MVS, is the 
tremendous number of features Unix lacks.  -- Chris Torek
%
Although the Buddhists will tell you that desire is the root of suffering, 
my personal experience leads me to point the finger at system administration.
 -- Philip Greenspun
%
That's like building a fire escape out of balsa-wood and painting it with
thermite. -- Peter da Silva on writing scripts in csh
%
You can have my Unix system when you pry it from my cold, dead fingers. 
 -- Simon Cozens (but I'd say the same!)
%
<Alanna> Saying that Java is nice because it works on all OS's is like 
saying that anal sex is nice because it works on all genders.
%
The social dynamics of the net are a direct consequence of the fact
that nobody has yet developed a Remote Strangulation Protocol. 
 -- Larry Wall
%
The US exports democracy with rootsquash, ro, and other serious
limitations on the foreign users. -- Anthony de Boer
%
Ah, a Uniform Type Identifier, not a Urinary Tract Infection.  Though,
reading further in this document I found, I'm not sure there's too
much of a difference. -- Jed Davis
%
"I would love to see someone riding a nuke and waving his cowboy hat on
the way down to Yahoo!." -- Steve VanDevender
%
This is why websites popular after 19100, such as My Space, appear to 
have been designed on an etch-a sketch. -- Uncyclopedia
%
The idea is that RAID stands for Redundant Array of Inexpensive Dreck. 
 -- Anthony de Boer
%
Syntactic sugar causes cancer of the semicolon. -- Alan Perlis
%
MASER, n.: Mail Amplification by Stimulation of Emitted Rejections
 -- Steve VanDevender, Patrick Wade
%
"I can type faster than I can point. And my mother told me that pointing 
is impolite." -- Andrew S. Tanenbaum dislikes WYSIWYG
%
#define sizeof(x) rand() -- Dark_Brood
%
I have the diesel-powered Plonkulator warmed up. -- rone
%
"We all live in a yellow subroutine,
a yellow subroutine,
a yellow subroutine" -- Shmuel (Seymour J.) Metz
%
Object-oriented design is the roman numerals of computing. -- Rob Pike
%
When in doubt, use brute force. -- Ken Thompson
%
POSIX is just an abbreviation (or acronym) for Piece Of Sh*t *ix. 
 -- Mike Andrews
%
The best performance improvement is the transition from the nonworking 
state to the working state. -- John Ousterhout
%
Technology is dominated by two types of people: Those who understand 
what they do not manage. Those who manage what they do not understand.
 -- Putt's Law
%
"Haushaltsvorstand ist immer der, der das Häusl *nicht* putzt."
 -- BeST und/oder Anuschka zur letzten .at Volkszaehlung
%
Happiness is the maximum agreement between reality and desire. 
 -- Joseph Stalin
%
@{$gst}{keys %{$rec}} = values %{$rec};  # muhahahaha
 -- dailywtf.com
%
"First let me say that this is a very difficult document to write 
without sounding pejorative." -- an unnamed network consultant's report
%
If you can't build it with 2N3055's, it's not worth building. -- Peter Gutmann
%
Buchen sollst du suchen, Bei den Eiben kannst du speiben. -- Gunkl
%
Zum schönsten, was zwischen Menschen entstehen kann, 
zählt zweifellos die Distanz. -- Gunkl
%
I keep six honest serving-men - (They taught me all I knew);
Their names are What and Why and When - And How and Where and Who
 -- Kipling
%
Gratitude is a disease of dogs. -- Joseph Stalin
%
"Having to infer what Unix is solely from a copy of the GNU Manifesto 
is not really an exercise you want to undertake."  -- AdB
%
"High fat emulsified offal tube", thank y'very much. -- Lionel about sausage
%
"The most amazing achievement of the computer software industry is its
continuing cancellation of the steady and staggering gains made by the
computer hardware industry." -- Henry Petroski
%
ISO Water Torture: ...ploughing through all sorts of ISO, ANSI, ITU, 
and IETF standards and other working documents, some of which are best 
understood when held upside-down in front of a mirror. -- Peter Gutmann
%
if God really existed, it would be necessary to abolish him. 
 -- Mikhail Bakunin
%
'Glaube' heißt Nicht-wissen-wollen, was wahr ist.
 -- Friedrich Nietzsche
%
Die Freiheit besteht darin, daß man alles tun kann, 
was einem anderen nicht schadet. -- Arthur Schopenhauer
%
Programming is like sex: One mistake and you're providing support for 
a lifetime.  -- ?
%
I just hate to be pushed around by some fucking machine. 
 -- Ken Thompson
%
Being a social outcast helps you stay concentrated on the really important 
things, like thinking and hacking.  -- Eric Raymond
%
Every bit is sacred, Every bit is right.
If a bit is wasted, I can't sleep at night.
Every bit is gorgeous, Every bit is free.
Admire the shape it forges, In hex and BCD!
%
The number of UNIX installations has grown to 10, with more expected. 
-- UNIX Programming Manual, 1972
%
Perl: The only language that looks the same before and after RSA encryption.
-- Keith Bostic
%
>We're talking about a bleeding mainframe, mate.
It's got hemoglobin in its fluorinert?
 -- Peter da Silva and AdB
%
Commercial televsion is like deliberately sticking hat pins through your 
frontal lobes most of the time. -- Rebecca Ore
%
We know that strict ID laws will stop terrorism, because they have such 
laws in Spain, which has never suffered any train bombings. -- Ted Schuerzinger
%
IBM - "Internally Blackened Machines" -- Bob Vaughan about PSU failures
%
Networks are like sewers: my job is to make sure your data goes away when
you flush, and to stop the rats climbing into your toilet through the pipes.
 -- Tanuki describes network administration
%
"I thought banging luser heads on rocks was how we originally 
got zeroes." -- Steve VanDevender
%
"Alas I've yet to find a gig which offers "control of Orbital Anvil
Delivery System at weekends" as a fringe-benefit." -- Tanuki
%
I halve a spelling chequer - It came with my pea sea -
It plane lee marques four my revue - Miss steaks aye ken knot sea
 -- J.S. Tenn, Owed to a Spell Chequer
%
What "TINY BEAST DRILL" is I can only ponder, but hey! I could really do
with the services of an exterminator that deals with infestations of
AWKWARD PEOPLE. -- Tanuki enjoys auto-translated spam
%
"Qrovna: I still think that this sounds like a dodgy Slovenian liqueur 
derived from mouldy potatoes and tractor-fuel, and best drunk by other 
people whom you don't like very much." -- Roger Burton West on ROT13(Debian)
%
"Trying to make digital files uncopyable is like trying to make 
water not wet." -- Bruce Schneier
%
"[die AT-eurofighter] zeigen, dass sie alles beherrschen, was unser 
Luftraum zu seiner Sicherheit braucht: Purzelbäume, kopfüber fliegen, 
schnell wackeln." -- Peter Pilz
%
Unix and C are the ultimate computer viruses. -- Richard Gabriel
%
digicow: I'm gonna train my children to say sudo instead of please
%
Always mount a scratch monkey. -- Eric Postpischil
%
I say, beware of all enterprises that require new clothes, and not 
rather a new wearer of clothes. -- H.D. Thoreau
%
The universal aptitude for ineptitude makes any human accomplishment 
an incredible miracle. -- John Stapp
%
He who is silent and bows his head dies every time he does so. He who 
speaks aloud and walks with his head held high dies only once.
 -- Giovanni Falcone
%
Erst wenn der letzte Programmierer eingesperrt und die letzte Idee
patentiert ist, werdet ihr merken, dass Anwälte nicht programmieren
können. -- Hopi mod Kulf
%
"Mama, was kreut da?" - "Das heißt kriecht!" - "Mama, wo kreut 
das Kriecht hin?" -- gschropperl.myblog.de
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Zungenkuss: Schneckenschlabberschlazerotik -- Richard Schuberth
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From the ashes of today's conferences will 
arise the phoenix of tomorrow's fuck-ups.
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"A decade ago, I observed that commercial certificate authorities protect
you from anyone from whom they are unwilling to take money. That turns out
to be wrong; they don't even do that much." -- Matt Blaze
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The first rule of tautology club is 
the first rule of tautology club. -- xkcd
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Ours is not to reason why, 
ours is but to cheat and lie.
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Instead of beads and baubles in exchange for their land, the natives are 
now accepting server space and widgets in exchange for their souls.
 -- Sarah
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Homöopathie ist vergleichbar mit dem Versuch ein halbes Achterl in die 
Grosstanks der Wiener Wasserwerke (Nettoinhalt mehrere Millionen Liter) 
zu kippen, und sich dann mittels Lecken am Wasserhahn zu betrinken.
 -- Mr. Magister
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"Empathize with stupidity and you're halfway to thinking like an idiot" 
 -- Iain Banks
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"Fuck every cause that ends in murder and children crying." -- Iain Banks
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Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often,
and for the same reason.
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WLAN name: "It hurts when IP" -- @bobschi
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"One of the chief duties of a citizen is to be a nuisance to the 
government of his state." --  J.B.S. Haldane
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"Off she goes, gently but flamboyantly launching the oversize walnut 
down the frozen river." -- David Attenborough explains curling
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"Wenn ein Bürger glaubt, dass ein Terrorist ihm gefährlicher wird als 
ein autoritärer Staat, dann war die ganze politische Bildung für 
die Katz." -- Ilija Trojanow
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[there are] lots of people who want you to be secure against 
everyone but them. -- Whitfield Diffie
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Arguing that you don't care about the right to privacy because you have 
nothing to hide is no different than saying you don't care about free
speech because you have nothing to say. -- Edward Snowden
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Some people think I'm nice & are shocked when they find out different. 
I'm not a nice person, & I don't care about you. -- Linus @ lca2015
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"...que tous les grands de la Terre et que tous les nobles fussent pendus
et étranglés avec les boyaux des prêtres." -- Jean Meslier
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Forth Love If Honk Then !
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"Borders? I have never seen one. But I have heard they exist in
the minds of some people." -- Thor Heyerdahl
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"einen staat, der mit der erklärung er wolle straftaten verhindern,
seine bürger ständig überwacht, kann man als polizeistaat bezeichnen."
 -- ernst benda
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"Pervasive Monitoring Is an Attack." -- RFC 7258
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"Der Journalist ist immer einer, der nachher alles vorher 
gewusst hat." -- Karl Kraus
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"Gedanken sind zollfrei. Aber man hat doch Scherereien." -- Karl Kraus
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"Die Zensur is' das lebendige Geständnis der Großen, daß sie nur verdummte
Sklaven treten, aber keine freien Völker regieren können." -- Nestroy
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"Wiewohl ich viele Leute gar nicht kenne, grüße ich 
sie nicht." -- Karl Kraus
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"Toutes les religions du monde ne sont que des inventions
humaines qu'erreurs, illusions et impostures." -- Jean Meslier
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Schrödinger's backup hypothesis: the condition of any backup is
undefined until a restore is attempted. -- andrewsh
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"Unterschätze nie die Macht dummer Leute, die einer Meinung sind."
 -- Kurt Tucholsky
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Which is worse: Ignorance or apathy? I don't know and I don't care.
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"The human race is just a chemical scum on a moderate-sized planet,
orbiting around a very average star in the outer suburb of one among
a hundred billion galaxies." -- Stephen Hawking
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'"Two-faced lying weasel" would be the most polite thing I could say.
But it almost certainly will involve a lot of cursing.' 
 -- Linus is no fan of Lennart or Kay
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hily racehorseful -- Ergates the ant
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